I think that January is my favorite time of year. The new year signals a new chance to make positive changes, a fresh start, a clean slate.
2013 was a tough year. I had numerous health challenges with three health issues: The biggest issue was my migraines which lead to a cycle of depression which contributes to a lowered immune system.
Personally 2013 was a year of disappointments. My daughter turned 6 last month, she's in kindergarten. And honestly she is one amazing kid. She is smart, but most importantly she has an amazing ability to connect with people, to read their emotions and a strong desire to help others. Every day I realize how lucky I am, especially consider the challenges I've faced.
I finally realized that I don't need to worry so much about being a mother. I sometimes obsess over all the things I do wrong. I worry that my daughter will grow up and face my same struggles (and demons). But when I really think about my life and my daughter I realize the most important thing is that we try to do our best. I try to be a good mom, wife and friend.
This year I found a new therapist. I finally decided to take my own advice and start therapy again. I am happy to say that my new therapist has made a huge impact on life.
I've drastically changed the work that I do, I have cut back on the work that is stressful and unfulfilling and I took a new consulting gig with a non-profit. I continue to run a consulting business and work with my husband on growing our manufacturing business but now I am following my passion.
I never expected the results I have gotten. In December I was debating what to do with work, volunteering and life. I finally decided I needed to find work that felt meaningful, where I could make a difference and the most important thing work with people who made life easier and not harder.
For over 10 years I have been a volunteer with an organization for women. It is my passion, it is what drives me to get up in the morning. And I work with amazing women. And now I even get paid for it. Deciding to do work that makes me happy has had an amazing ripple effect. Since I made the decision I haven't been depressed or had a migraine. For me that is amazing. I also have not been hypomanic.
And I'm ready to tackle the decision to have a second child. I've wanted to give my daughter a sibling but my physical and mental health have made me worried about my ability to manage a pregnancy. I also still worry about how I will feel during pregnancy. I was super stable from a mental standpoint, but I was physically sick. So sick that I almost lost my baby and then was on medicine from week 7-39 when she was born. And I just don't know how I would manage a pregnancy, an active kindergartner, work and being a wife.
I'm no longer a spring chicken. I turned 35 this year. And I know that the clock is ticking. So I have 8 months to figure it out. Do I go for baby number two or do I adopt or are we happy as we are. I honestly can say my family is amazing. My daughter is an inspiration and delight. My husband (of 17 years) is my rock.
Wish me luck for 2014 and tell me what a new year means to you.
I hope that you have an amazing year. I look forward to hearing from you via comments or email.
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Wanted to post a couple days ago but my iphone wouldn't let me leave a comment. I had such a good one written out too. This is Shelly in Utah. I'm the crazy lady that had two kids in 20 months. I love my second child so my much and honestly can't imagine not having him. That being said it is not the easiest thing in the world to have more kids. Pregnancy with migraines and other issues is very intense. On a bright note your little girl is now a bigger girl and could be a big help. My SIL crazy enough just had her fifth and her oldest is 10. She said she wished she had a ten year old before she had any other kids because they are so helpful.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are thinking about trying for number three. I think in some ways I could stop at two but I feel like their are good reasons to have a third. I personally feel the dynamics of sibling relationships would better be served by three children relatively close together. I know I would love a third child just as much as my other two, but I am not baby hungry in the sense that most people get. Complicated, no? I am nervous for pregnancy again. And for the post partum depression again. But I know this will be my last and then I can get on with just taking care of my kids having fun with them and seeing them grow up. I am thirty four so I feel like time is running out. After 35 or so the odds of having complications just gets too huge that I don't feel like I can risk having those kinds of problems. I know women at forty can have good pregnancies and healthy babies but with my problems I don't know if that could happen. This is so complicated. Although if in your gut you won't be happy with one then maybe a second one is a consideration. But I can't give you the answer you need just tell you what I personally am thinking.
I am glad your work situation is improving, I do feel incredibly blessed to not work and my husband 100% endorses it. It means we can't have some super nice things and the trials of having only one income. However it definitely helps me to not have to juggle kids and a job. Sometime I would like to work part time again, if it all works out.
Wishing you the best, Shelly in Utah.
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