New research suggests that using Ketamine could produce an antidepressant effect in hours not weeks for bipolar patients with treatment-resistant depression.
I've been struggling for weeks now. The bottom line is since my daughter was born I just haven't been able to find the stability I had before her birth. I keep falling into the "rabbit hole" ... aka deep hole of depression.
And when I'm depressed it can get bad. Bad as in mommy doesn't spend much time out of bed. It goes like this. Mommy wakes up and watches TV and says to herself please don't wake up dear daughter until my nanny gets here or daddy wakes up. Then daughter wakes up and I get to play mommy as best I can for a little bit. I manage to make some oatmeal. At some point within an hour or so nanny gets here or daddy is up. And here's where I should be going to my office to work. But nope depressed Rachael goes back to bed and watches TV, or stares at the ceiling, or hides under the covers wanting to just disappear. I stay that way until lunch. Where I pull it together for about 45 minutes long enough to make lunch for me and the little one, check email and maybe return a phone call to a client.
And then after lunch I go back to bed (note should be going back to work). Where I stay until 3:30 when my nanny leaves. Then I play mommy, read books and put my daughter down for a nap. She sleeps and I normally would go back to work, but depressed mommy goes back to bed.
I then get up when she gets up. I call the hubby when she gets up and he comes home. He makes dinner while I entertain my daughter. And then after dinner I go ... can you guess where? Yep to bed. Normal Rachael makes great homecook meals, BTW. Depressed Rachael doesn't make any dinner at all.
Yes, this is sometimes my sad life. And my daughter she comes in and asks me "Mommy is your head feeling bad? I hope you feel better soon. I love you." She's two and a half. It kills me that she sees me go through these times.
So, when I saw the article about Ketamine I was SUPER excited!!! Can you imagine that a treatment on the horizon for bipolar patients that can work in HOURS for depression? I've been doing it all - I've done everything. And my depressions keep coming back. So I hope this research leads to some kind of readily available treatment.
Ketamine Lifts Depression Symptoms in Bipolar Disorder Within an Hour
People with treatment-resistant bipolar disorder experienced relief from symptoms of depression in as little as 40 minutes after an intravenous dose of the anesthetic medication ketamine in a preliminary study; while the patient group was small, this work adds to evidence that compounds in the class to which ketamine belongs have potential as rapid and effective medications for depression, including bipolar depression. The potential for side-effects makes ketamine an impractical drug for standard use, but it provides a way to test this approach for developing novel treatments that act more rapidly than existing ones.
So check out the article
This may sound crazy - but I'm seriously wondering if the ketamine people use recreationally (yes illegally) would have the same effects. I am desperate. I've tried so many meds, I've done supplements, I work out religiously (well not when I'm majorly depressed). I just want to be like I was in 2004-2007 - stable no ups, no downs just good. I mean during those years I was so good I sometimes doubted that I was bipolar at all. And now it is quite clear that my bipolar I diagnosis is accurate. Of course now I'm bipolar I with rapid cycling. Luckily I've stopped the ultra-rapid cycling and the even worse ultra-ultra rapid (cycling within 24 hours) which was the worst torture that I've ever experienced.
So here's to hope that something good is on the horizon.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Can Anyone Understand Me Who is Not Bipolar?
Today my sister made a comment that really hurt me. I know that she didn't mean to upset me, but she said - "Have you ever tried to have a normal sleep schedule? I think it would help you if you were on a schedule."
I was speechless. Sleep schedule. No shit Sherlock. Do you think I like insomnia? Perhaps I like being bipolar. Oh yes, sister. I enjoy going through cycles of depression and hypomania. It is fun. This is the way I want my life to be.
It was deeply disturbing because I have been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 14. I first took sleeping pills around 12 or 13. In the last almost 20 years I have tried the following sleeping pills, tranquilizers, vitamins, herbal supplements, books on tape, alcohol (not in excess 2 glasses of wine - I have no tolerance for nausea so 2 is my limit), meditation, therapy, books on tape, Law & Order (amazingly effective at times), music, tea, warm baths, exercise.
I'm not sure what else is out there in terms of getting on a sleep schedule.
I hung up the phone and cried. I cried because she has known me for almost 32 years (32 years as of next Friday). Seriously, 32 years. My parents will tell you that I have had erratic energy and mood levels since I was very young. And my sister has seen this. She knows that I started on meds and therapy at 14. She knows I attempted suicide and was hospitalized at 16. She knows I was hospitalized at 24. And yet she thinks I have not been trying hard enough. Like I haven't been working at regulating myself.
So after crying I decided to call her back. And told her the following.
My brain does not work like yours. I have tried everything I can think of. I have an erratic schedule at times not because I choose to, but because that is how my body functions. My brain goes through periods where the chemicals misfire. It is like being on drugs - my body cannot sleep. You can hit me with heavy meds and I still will not sleep. And at other times you can pump me full of caffeine and I will not stay awake.
And then she said yes but maybe it is because you own a business and stay up to late working or doing this or that. And I said ... please understand what I am saying to you. This happens whether I work or not. This just happens. And yes I spent 4 years with virtually no issues and then I had a baby and life changed. My hormones changed, my stress level changed and life has not returned to before. My financial situation changed as did many people when the economy changed. Some of these things are not in my control and yes they do have an effect on my condition.
But the bottom line is I have been this way pretty much forever. And yes, things help, but nothing I have tried fixes it. There is no magic go to bed every night at 11 pm and you will be fine. I can't will this away.
And I thought that she understood how hard I try to stay well. I thought she knew how much I struggle to do right by myself, my daughter, my husband. And yet apparently she doesn't.
In the end she said. I will never really understand you, because I am not in your shoes. And I know that and yet it hurts.
It hurts when my husband makes little comments I know he doesn't mean to be unkind, but he says if you would just be consistent with your exercise you wouldn't get depressed. If you would just do this you would be better.
Well I wish it was that simple. But dear husband you have known me since I was 14. You were the one who saved my life and rushed me to the hospital when I was 16. You have been married to me for 13 years. Do you really think that there is one magic bullet that will make me all better? Do you not understand that when the depression hits I cannot get to the gym. The energy isn't there.
And then it makes me worry that my daughter will grow up and she will believe these things too. Perhaps she will think her mother doesn't try hard enough. Maybe her mom doesn't care about her enough to stay out of bed every day all day.
I hope that I do right by her. I hope that she grows up to be compassionate. I hope that she knows that I love her more than the anything. I hope she knows that I searched very hard about whether I should bring a child into this world.
I know someone expects me to say I hope she doesn't grow up to be bipolar. However, I'm not going to say that. And the reason is ... I am who I am partly because of this disorder. And although my life is hard and some days I feel my life is tragic and I worry that it may have a tragic ending. I know that ultimately the world is a better place because I am in it.
And one of the gifts that I have to give to the world revolves around the fact that I have bipolar disorder. It revolves around the fact that I have been through psychosis. I have been to places that most people cannot imagine going. My mind can take me to terrible places.
The gift in that is that I can help other people who may be going through it. I have found that everyone knows someone with a mental illness. And I can be here to listen and offer my words of guidance. I don't have the answer - but I have a lifetime of personal experience and research knowledge.
And maybe my daughter will grow up to be like me. Maybe she won't. Who knows. Only time will tell.
One of the most amazing people in the field of psychiatry is Kay Redfield Jamison and what makes her so good is she herself is bipolar. I highly reccommend all of her books.
I was speechless. Sleep schedule. No shit Sherlock. Do you think I like insomnia? Perhaps I like being bipolar. Oh yes, sister. I enjoy going through cycles of depression and hypomania. It is fun. This is the way I want my life to be.
It was deeply disturbing because I have been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 14. I first took sleeping pills around 12 or 13. In the last almost 20 years I have tried the following sleeping pills, tranquilizers, vitamins, herbal supplements, books on tape, alcohol (not in excess 2 glasses of wine - I have no tolerance for nausea so 2 is my limit), meditation, therapy, books on tape, Law & Order (amazingly effective at times), music, tea, warm baths, exercise.
I'm not sure what else is out there in terms of getting on a sleep schedule.
I hung up the phone and cried. I cried because she has known me for almost 32 years (32 years as of next Friday). Seriously, 32 years. My parents will tell you that I have had erratic energy and mood levels since I was very young. And my sister has seen this. She knows that I started on meds and therapy at 14. She knows I attempted suicide and was hospitalized at 16. She knows I was hospitalized at 24. And yet she thinks I have not been trying hard enough. Like I haven't been working at regulating myself.
So after crying I decided to call her back. And told her the following.
My brain does not work like yours. I have tried everything I can think of. I have an erratic schedule at times not because I choose to, but because that is how my body functions. My brain goes through periods where the chemicals misfire. It is like being on drugs - my body cannot sleep. You can hit me with heavy meds and I still will not sleep. And at other times you can pump me full of caffeine and I will not stay awake.
And then she said yes but maybe it is because you own a business and stay up to late working or doing this or that. And I said ... please understand what I am saying to you. This happens whether I work or not. This just happens. And yes I spent 4 years with virtually no issues and then I had a baby and life changed. My hormones changed, my stress level changed and life has not returned to before. My financial situation changed as did many people when the economy changed. Some of these things are not in my control and yes they do have an effect on my condition.
But the bottom line is I have been this way pretty much forever. And yes, things help, but nothing I have tried fixes it. There is no magic go to bed every night at 11 pm and you will be fine. I can't will this away.
And I thought that she understood how hard I try to stay well. I thought she knew how much I struggle to do right by myself, my daughter, my husband. And yet apparently she doesn't.
In the end she said. I will never really understand you, because I am not in your shoes. And I know that and yet it hurts.
It hurts when my husband makes little comments I know he doesn't mean to be unkind, but he says if you would just be consistent with your exercise you wouldn't get depressed. If you would just do this you would be better.
Well I wish it was that simple. But dear husband you have known me since I was 14. You were the one who saved my life and rushed me to the hospital when I was 16. You have been married to me for 13 years. Do you really think that there is one magic bullet that will make me all better? Do you not understand that when the depression hits I cannot get to the gym. The energy isn't there.
And then it makes me worry that my daughter will grow up and she will believe these things too. Perhaps she will think her mother doesn't try hard enough. Maybe her mom doesn't care about her enough to stay out of bed every day all day.
I hope that I do right by her. I hope that she grows up to be compassionate. I hope that she knows that I love her more than the anything. I hope she knows that I searched very hard about whether I should bring a child into this world.
I know someone expects me to say I hope she doesn't grow up to be bipolar. However, I'm not going to say that. And the reason is ... I am who I am partly because of this disorder. And although my life is hard and some days I feel my life is tragic and I worry that it may have a tragic ending. I know that ultimately the world is a better place because I am in it.
And one of the gifts that I have to give to the world revolves around the fact that I have bipolar disorder. It revolves around the fact that I have been through psychosis. I have been to places that most people cannot imagine going. My mind can take me to terrible places.
The gift in that is that I can help other people who may be going through it. I have found that everyone knows someone with a mental illness. And I can be here to listen and offer my words of guidance. I don't have the answer - but I have a lifetime of personal experience and research knowledge.
And maybe my daughter will grow up to be like me. Maybe she won't. Who knows. Only time will tell.
One of the most amazing people in the field of psychiatry is Kay Redfield Jamison and what makes her so good is she herself is bipolar. I highly reccommend all of her books.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Bipolar and Other Brain Disorders - Cluster Headaches, Migraines, Epilepsy
Sorry, I've been absent from this blog. After my last post I've had some health issues - not related to my bipolar disorder. At the end of May I woke up with the worst pain I've ever had in my life. It felt like my head would explode. I thought it was the worst migraine I'd ever had.
So I took some Excedrin migraine. That didn't work. I called my doctor and got her to call in a prescription for Imitrex. I took one. It didn't work. I waited and took the second dose. I seriously began to think I was going to die. It would get better and then would come back hours later. It was intense. I have never felt so much pain ever. I've broken bones, I had a baby, nothing compared to this.
And so early in the morning my doctor told me to go to the ER. So I called 911 and got an ambulance trip to the hospital. I had a CT scan. Nothing. They gave me pain killers. And then of course since I'm bipolar for some reason they thought I needed a psych consult. The psychiatrist once he saw me immediately discharged me and said I was fine and I needed to see a neurologist.
In the next 3 days (this was over the weekend) I went to the hospital a total of 4 times. I eventually had a spinal tap and other testing which was all normal. And eventually got into a neurologist and was diagnosed with cluster headaches. Cluster headaches (nicknamed "suicide headaches") are a rare type of headache that are said to be the most painful medical condition known to man. Lucky me.
My migraines which were in remission for years have returned and I'm getting tension headaches regularly too. Severe headaches are like bipolar disorder the can be in remission for years and then can be triggered.
The cluster headaches were like clockwork. Within 45 minutes to 1 hour of going to sleep I'd wake up with the most intense pain I'd ever felt. Needless to say I started to fear going to sleep - which of course for an insomniac is bad business.
To stop the cluster I was post on a 6 day cycle of steroids which of course carry a strong warning not to give to people with mood disorders or insomnia. (Hmmm....) So then I had to go on zyprexa. In the two weeks I gained 25 pounds. Luckily the zyprexa kept me from getting completely manic.
I'm stable now. I'm on Topamax for the headaches (interesting that an off-label use is also bipolar disorder).
Anyway, I really like my new neurologist. One thing I like is she thinks all of these things are at their root related. The bipolar disorder, the headaches, the family history of seizures, Huntington's, etc. I just have faulty brain wiring.
But more importantly - she's not a drug pusher. Drugs are just one part of my treatment. Another part is self-care. It's working on the stress and sleep through meditation and acupuncture. It's eating right and exercise. All things I believe work for keeping me mentally healthy will also keep the headaches at bay.
Another interesting thing ... the number one treatment during the acute attack of a cluster headache - oxygen. And so at 31 I am like an old person. I have an oxygen tank next to my bed. When I have a headache I reach for my oxygen mask. Amazingly within 10 minutes it can reduce the headache - no medicine can take away the headache like that.
Oxygen therapy is good for migraines too ... it doesn't completely take them away but it does lessen them.
And finally a good website for medication information http://www.crazymeds.us - The Good Bad & Funny About Neurological Medications
Beware it may make you laugh or cry.
So I took some Excedrin migraine. That didn't work. I called my doctor and got her to call in a prescription for Imitrex. I took one. It didn't work. I waited and took the second dose. I seriously began to think I was going to die. It would get better and then would come back hours later. It was intense. I have never felt so much pain ever. I've broken bones, I had a baby, nothing compared to this.
And so early in the morning my doctor told me to go to the ER. So I called 911 and got an ambulance trip to the hospital. I had a CT scan. Nothing. They gave me pain killers. And then of course since I'm bipolar for some reason they thought I needed a psych consult. The psychiatrist once he saw me immediately discharged me and said I was fine and I needed to see a neurologist.
In the next 3 days (this was over the weekend) I went to the hospital a total of 4 times. I eventually had a spinal tap and other testing which was all normal. And eventually got into a neurologist and was diagnosed with cluster headaches. Cluster headaches (nicknamed "suicide headaches") are a rare type of headache that are said to be the most painful medical condition known to man. Lucky me.
My migraines which were in remission for years have returned and I'm getting tension headaches regularly too. Severe headaches are like bipolar disorder the can be in remission for years and then can be triggered.
The cluster headaches were like clockwork. Within 45 minutes to 1 hour of going to sleep I'd wake up with the most intense pain I'd ever felt. Needless to say I started to fear going to sleep - which of course for an insomniac is bad business.
To stop the cluster I was post on a 6 day cycle of steroids which of course carry a strong warning not to give to people with mood disorders or insomnia. (Hmmm....) So then I had to go on zyprexa. In the two weeks I gained 25 pounds. Luckily the zyprexa kept me from getting completely manic.
I'm stable now. I'm on Topamax for the headaches (interesting that an off-label use is also bipolar disorder).
Anyway, I really like my new neurologist. One thing I like is she thinks all of these things are at their root related. The bipolar disorder, the headaches, the family history of seizures, Huntington's, etc. I just have faulty brain wiring.
But more importantly - she's not a drug pusher. Drugs are just one part of my treatment. Another part is self-care. It's working on the stress and sleep through meditation and acupuncture. It's eating right and exercise. All things I believe work for keeping me mentally healthy will also keep the headaches at bay.
Another interesting thing ... the number one treatment during the acute attack of a cluster headache - oxygen. And so at 31 I am like an old person. I have an oxygen tank next to my bed. When I have a headache I reach for my oxygen mask. Amazingly within 10 minutes it can reduce the headache - no medicine can take away the headache like that.
Oxygen therapy is good for migraines too ... it doesn't completely take them away but it does lessen them.
And finally a good website for medication information http://www.crazymeds.us - The Good Bad & Funny About Neurological Medications
Beware it may make you laugh or cry.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
A lifetime of experience - how can I help you?
I recently after being completely vulnerable in a group found out someone needed me. Her niece was diagnosed bipolar and unwilling to get treatment. I have written her a long email to reach out and help her. I would like to share that here.
First off remember this when she says hurtful things when she has horrible behavior you did not cause it and she cannot control it. My husband has known me for 15 years. He still does not sometimes get this. It is a hard concept to logically understand. She will continue to hurt you emotionally, but she doesn't mean to. And when she is better she will be sorry for her actions. This is a physical disease this is not just a psychological problem. I sometimes to this day feel like I am too weak of a person, I am not smart enough, I am not strong enough, I caused this. I know logically that I did not do these things to myself. I didn't choose to be bipolar. It just is. It is what it is. I can only move forward - I can help myself and others. (Sorry to sound preachy this is the most important thing for you to learn and is based on a lifetime of experience!)
OK. Let me share that I totally relate to so many things in this story.
I first attempted suicide at 16. Since then I have at various levels actually attempted at least 3 times. One with pills, once with a gun (thank god I it misfired (didn't go off) and that I didn't try again. I am blessed that my husband loves me. At 16 he saved my life - I was actually about 1 hours away from death. I was in a coma. He was 20 and heard something in my voice and drove about 100 miles an hour to get to my house from Orlando to Melbourne. I did not call anyone and say I was going to kill myself and I did not leave a note. I had carefully planned and research how I would do this for at least two years. I was hospitalized for 3 days by the Baker Act (Florida law that you are a danger to yourself or others and get locked up in a psych ward). Long term I got PTSD from that experience got better and then got worse.
I suffered from this so much that everyday of my life since I was about 13 or 14 I wanted to die. And I am not exaggerating every day at least once to this day I think about it. I plan how I could do it and succeed. Some days it is worse than others. When I come to those calls at a zero I am probably thinking about it multiple times. I seriously can spend an entire week in bed.
I was misdiagnosed for over 10 years. That misdiagnosis made me get worse. The disease progressed for longer and I have gone through so much turmoil. There is what is called the kindling effect the more times it happens and the more often it happens the more likely it is to happen in the future and the more it will happen. You have to break the cycle. I have broken the cycle many times. I was once told by my current doctor that I would never last more than a year without a relapse. I lasted 5 years. I was once told by my current doctor that I should never have children cause I can't handle it and it would be detrimental to a child. Years later he supported me and I actually went off all medication during part of my pregnancy. I tell you this because although there is NO cure for this condition ever. There is recovery. It's like a cancer remission. In her lifetime it will get bad again and it will get good. The goal is less bad than good in quantity and severity.
Unfortunately from these descriptions she sound like bipolar I. And perhaps with rapid cycling. This is serious. Bipolar disorder is a spectrum. The diagnosis changes over time. I was once bipolar II (less severe) and am now bipolar I, I was once not a rapid cycler and passed to no cycling passed to ultra ultra cycling, bake to ultra cycling. The goal of course is to first get out of ultra cycling, return to rapid cycling, return to no cycling. What I do know is that I will never pass back to Bipolar II. Not really possible for me. And I accept that. I know the facts and statistics and know that I have the power to make it better but need to accept that in this lifetime it will not go away.
I do believe that one day there will be a cure. They are researching genetic DNA issues to find a cure or a test. For 10 years scientists worked on identifying the genetic mutation and specific disease that causes Huntington's disease. It is a severe genetic brain disorder that leads to death. It is very bad. It is worse than Alzheimer's disease. I currently have a 1 in 4 chance of having this. I have debated for years getting my genes tested. Unfortunately getting the test would reveal my mom's status and since she currently is not symptomatic she doesn't want to know. It does not skip a generations.
I tell you this because the 1993 breakthrough of identifying that specific gene has helped the current research on the bipolar gene. They have been researching the bipolar gene since 1988. http://www.bipolargenes.org/ Because of you -- I signed up for the study this evening. I will be undergoing blood tests through John Hopkins university. Once they can identify the gene they can more quickly develop treatment and eventually know how to reverse the gene. So there is tremendous hope.
That being said I would recommend the following course of action for you, her family and your niece. This is based on my experience of knowing how to treat someone, how I need to be treated, etc. This is going to be a long-term hard work thing. You have to be prepared to take it one step at a time and understand that you can't fix it overnight or ever. You can however help her tremendously.
Numerous studies have proven that family support is actually more important that medication compliance. This is fantastic for you because even if she is unwilling to get help now you can this very moment be part of the solution.
Here are your immediate action steps:
1. Education. Please read the following blog - http://www.mybipolarpregnancy.com/search/label/bipolar%20in%20the%20news this is my story. Some parts are applicable to your situation. And this http://www.mybipolarpregnancy.com/2007/02/why-i-started-this-this-blog.html As you can see I started this almost 3 years ago. I started it before I got pregnant partially because I felt alone I searched and searched for information and I couldn't find what I needed. I have always been all about the research. It gives me hope and I want to share that hope with as many people as possible.
2. Recommended reading: http://www.mybipolarpregnancy.com/search/label/recommended%20reading Some is about pregnancy, some is about bipolar as a whole. This book: Taming Bipolar Disorder is great one of the best I've ever read: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592572855?ie=UTF8&tag=mybipopreg-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1592572855 If you read it you will see me in it.
3. Attend a support group. There are more than 30 groups all across Broward county.
Start here - http://www.goldcoastdbsa.com/ This is the local chapter that I ran 3 support groups from. (I actually originally started that website. Although it looks much different now than it did when I was running it) This is the family & friends group that I ran
Family & Friends - 1 to 2:30 pm
North Broward Medical Center
Classroom # 3
201 East Sample Road
Pompano, Fl 33064
A friend of mine who used to run groups at Gold Coast DBSA started a new group. They were unhappy with the management of the groups from Chuck. I have not attended any of their groups, but I know that Lew is fantastic. He can be reached at lew@sfdbsa.com, http://www.sfdbsa.com/
The guy who runs it Chuck is maddening. When I last saw him he was pretty much crazy. And is always at some point nutty. In the 3 years that I've known him he is always in a state of hypomania or mania. He doesn't always do what he needs to do to help his illness. However he has tried a lot has a ton of experience with this and is truly dedicated to helping others. I say this because every support group is different. Each group is different based on the facilitator and the people who show up that week. It is peer run - meaning all groups are run by people or family members who are affected by the illness. You will learn so much by going to even one group. All groups are different the first group might not be the one for you. Keep trying. It will work. I have reached out to my contacts within DBSA to see who recommends what group.
This is the national parent organization: http://www.dbsalliance.org
4. Think about therapy for yourself. This may be a hard step for you. It is a serious commitment of time and energy. In the long term it will help you and her. In this process you will learn how to deal with not only your situation and how it makes you feel as well as how to help her.
The goal of all this is to get her to take the following steps:
1. Hit rock bottom. This may sound horrible but if you hit rock bottom you get better. You understand the magnitude of the situation and you will get treatment. Everyone's rock bottom is different.
2. Education. The only way she will break through the denial is through a true understanding of her disease. She must accept the diagnosis and be willing to move forward. You taking the steps above will help her get to the point that she is willing to seek treatment.
3. Psychiatry & Medication - The only true course of action currently is heavy drugs. She needs to get on an anti-psychotic, she needs a mood stabilizer. She may need hospitalization. There are tremendous downsides to medication - side effects ranging from weight gain to temporary or permanent hand tremors to PTSD. All of these side effects can be managed and fixed. The outcome is better than the short-term side effects. And every person reacts to every drug differently. Please call my doctor Dr. Feldman see if he is taking on new patients. He is the best doctor I have ever seen.
4. Disability. Bipolar is a severe mental disorder and disability is possible. And I know she would qualify on the disability. Her financial situation will determine the amount and the length of time she is eligible. If she has too many personal assets there are strategies to move money to make this a resource that works. I can give you the name of people I know who have done this.
5. Exercise, Nutrition, Supplements. These are long term key to her recovery. But they are not an immediate fix. We can discuss this further. But basically the food she eats and the environment we are living in both culturally and physically is poisoning us. I sincerely mean that based on the research. Bipolar disorder and the severity is getting worse every year. It is worse here than in third-world countries, however we have better treatments. We have the possibility to have lasting change.
6. Suicide line. I've called before. They are really helpful. It is confidential. They can talk you down.
7. Hospitalization. You can get her committed right now. You are a family member. All you have to do is call submit a form. http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/mentalhealth/laws/ This at some point may be your only option if she doesn't get help soon. This may be the best thing to do today. Only you and the family can decide that. She will be hospitalized for 72 hours. In that time she will be forced to be medicated. She will attend support groups and one on one therapy. Be prepared that she may hate you for this in the short term. In the long term she will be grateful that you cared enough about her to take drastic steps.
Let me leave you with the following ... you have the power to change this for her. It will be hard for you. It will be harder for her. But she will get better ... and your help makes all the difference.
She is so lucky to have you in her life. I guarantee you that you through some action you have kept her alive this long. Your willingness to let her live with you probably has saved her life already. And I want to be part of your solution. I have touched hundreds of people. I have helped friends and family, I have helped people in support groups, I have helped people online through my blog and I have helped people through participating in clinical research studies which potentially can affect million. I am currently trying to get into 3 different programs. I am willing to help you in whatever manner can support you. I don't have all the answers but I am committed to helping you find them through my advice, through my willingness to let you vent, scream or cry, through my willingness to research drugs and new therapy options. Tell me what you need I will do everything I can to help you. And I sincerely mean that. Do not hesitate to call on me.
Even though this sucks on so many levels. I sometimes think this is a blessing. It is my calling to help people. I have a very powerful gift and one day I will figure out the right combination of how I can help more people.
I could share a million more things this is it for now .. I need to go back to sleep.
I am available tomorrow after the big fish call. I'm sure you have a lot of questions the above may address all of them. If tomorrow isn't good for you or you aren't ready to talk, let me know when is a good time.
I am so glad we met. I know we are going to be friends for a very long time. We are going to help each other more than we currently realize is possible.
With much, much love,
Rachael
First off remember this when she says hurtful things when she has horrible behavior you did not cause it and she cannot control it. My husband has known me for 15 years. He still does not sometimes get this. It is a hard concept to logically understand. She will continue to hurt you emotionally, but she doesn't mean to. And when she is better she will be sorry for her actions. This is a physical disease this is not just a psychological problem. I sometimes to this day feel like I am too weak of a person, I am not smart enough, I am not strong enough, I caused this. I know logically that I did not do these things to myself. I didn't choose to be bipolar. It just is. It is what it is. I can only move forward - I can help myself and others. (Sorry to sound preachy this is the most important thing for you to learn and is based on a lifetime of experience!)
OK. Let me share that I totally relate to so many things in this story.
I first attempted suicide at 16. Since then I have at various levels actually attempted at least 3 times. One with pills, once with a gun (thank god I it misfired (didn't go off) and that I didn't try again. I am blessed that my husband loves me. At 16 he saved my life - I was actually about 1 hours away from death. I was in a coma. He was 20 and heard something in my voice and drove about 100 miles an hour to get to my house from Orlando to Melbourne. I did not call anyone and say I was going to kill myself and I did not leave a note. I had carefully planned and research how I would do this for at least two years. I was hospitalized for 3 days by the Baker Act (Florida law that you are a danger to yourself or others and get locked up in a psych ward). Long term I got PTSD from that experience got better and then got worse.
I suffered from this so much that everyday of my life since I was about 13 or 14 I wanted to die. And I am not exaggerating every day at least once to this day I think about it. I plan how I could do it and succeed. Some days it is worse than others. When I come to those calls at a zero I am probably thinking about it multiple times. I seriously can spend an entire week in bed.
I was misdiagnosed for over 10 years. That misdiagnosis made me get worse. The disease progressed for longer and I have gone through so much turmoil. There is what is called the kindling effect the more times it happens and the more often it happens the more likely it is to happen in the future and the more it will happen. You have to break the cycle. I have broken the cycle many times. I was once told by my current doctor that I would never last more than a year without a relapse. I lasted 5 years. I was once told by my current doctor that I should never have children cause I can't handle it and it would be detrimental to a child. Years later he supported me and I actually went off all medication during part of my pregnancy. I tell you this because although there is NO cure for this condition ever. There is recovery. It's like a cancer remission. In her lifetime it will get bad again and it will get good. The goal is less bad than good in quantity and severity.
Unfortunately from these descriptions she sound like bipolar I. And perhaps with rapid cycling. This is serious. Bipolar disorder is a spectrum. The diagnosis changes over time. I was once bipolar II (less severe) and am now bipolar I, I was once not a rapid cycler and passed to no cycling passed to ultra ultra cycling, bake to ultra cycling. The goal of course is to first get out of ultra cycling, return to rapid cycling, return to no cycling. What I do know is that I will never pass back to Bipolar II. Not really possible for me. And I accept that. I know the facts and statistics and know that I have the power to make it better but need to accept that in this lifetime it will not go away.
I do believe that one day there will be a cure. They are researching genetic DNA issues to find a cure or a test. For 10 years scientists worked on identifying the genetic mutation and specific disease that causes Huntington's disease. It is a severe genetic brain disorder that leads to death. It is very bad. It is worse than Alzheimer's disease. I currently have a 1 in 4 chance of having this. I have debated for years getting my genes tested. Unfortunately getting the test would reveal my mom's status and since she currently is not symptomatic she doesn't want to know. It does not skip a generations.
I tell you this because the 1993 breakthrough of identifying that specific gene has helped the current research on the bipolar gene. They have been researching the bipolar gene since 1988. http://www.bipolargenes.org/ Because of you -- I signed up for the study this evening. I will be undergoing blood tests through John Hopkins university. Once they can identify the gene they can more quickly develop treatment and eventually know how to reverse the gene. So there is tremendous hope.
That being said I would recommend the following course of action for you, her family and your niece. This is based on my experience of knowing how to treat someone, how I need to be treated, etc. This is going to be a long-term hard work thing. You have to be prepared to take it one step at a time and understand that you can't fix it overnight or ever. You can however help her tremendously.
Numerous studies have proven that family support is actually more important that medication compliance. This is fantastic for you because even if she is unwilling to get help now you can this very moment be part of the solution.
Here are your immediate action steps:
1. Education. Please read the following blog - http://www.mybipolarpregnancy.com/search/label/bipolar%20in%20the%20news this is my story. Some parts are applicable to your situation. And this http://www.mybipolarpregnancy.com/2007/02/why-i-started-this-this-blog.html As you can see I started this almost 3 years ago. I started it before I got pregnant partially because I felt alone I searched and searched for information and I couldn't find what I needed. I have always been all about the research. It gives me hope and I want to share that hope with as many people as possible.
2. Recommended reading: http://www.mybipolarpregnancy.com/search/label/recommended%20reading Some is about pregnancy, some is about bipolar as a whole. This book: Taming Bipolar Disorder is great one of the best I've ever read: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592572855?ie=UTF8&tag=mybipopreg-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1592572855 If you read it you will see me in it.
3. Attend a support group. There are more than 30 groups all across Broward county.
Start here - http://www.goldcoastdbsa.com/ This is the local chapter that I ran 3 support groups from. (I actually originally started that website. Although it looks much different now than it did when I was running it) This is the family & friends group that I ran
Family & Friends - 1 to 2:30 pm
North Broward Medical Center
Classroom # 3
201 East Sample Road
Pompano, Fl 33064
A friend of mine who used to run groups at Gold Coast DBSA started a new group. They were unhappy with the management of the groups from Chuck. I have not attended any of their groups, but I know that Lew is fantastic. He can be reached at lew@sfdbsa.com, http://www.sfdbsa.com/
The guy who runs it Chuck is maddening. When I last saw him he was pretty much crazy. And is always at some point nutty. In the 3 years that I've known him he is always in a state of hypomania or mania. He doesn't always do what he needs to do to help his illness. However he has tried a lot has a ton of experience with this and is truly dedicated to helping others. I say this because every support group is different. Each group is different based on the facilitator and the people who show up that week. It is peer run - meaning all groups are run by people or family members who are affected by the illness. You will learn so much by going to even one group. All groups are different the first group might not be the one for you. Keep trying. It will work. I have reached out to my contacts within DBSA to see who recommends what group.
This is the national parent organization: http://www.dbsalliance.org
4. Think about therapy for yourself. This may be a hard step for you. It is a serious commitment of time and energy. In the long term it will help you and her. In this process you will learn how to deal with not only your situation and how it makes you feel as well as how to help her.
The goal of all this is to get her to take the following steps:
1. Hit rock bottom. This may sound horrible but if you hit rock bottom you get better. You understand the magnitude of the situation and you will get treatment. Everyone's rock bottom is different.
2. Education. The only way she will break through the denial is through a true understanding of her disease. She must accept the diagnosis and be willing to move forward. You taking the steps above will help her get to the point that she is willing to seek treatment.
3. Psychiatry & Medication - The only true course of action currently is heavy drugs. She needs to get on an anti-psychotic, she needs a mood stabilizer. She may need hospitalization. There are tremendous downsides to medication - side effects ranging from weight gain to temporary or permanent hand tremors to PTSD. All of these side effects can be managed and fixed. The outcome is better than the short-term side effects. And every person reacts to every drug differently. Please call my doctor Dr. Feldman see if he is taking on new patients. He is the best doctor I have ever seen.
4. Disability. Bipolar is a severe mental disorder and disability is possible. And I know she would qualify on the disability. Her financial situation will determine the amount and the length of time she is eligible. If she has too many personal assets there are strategies to move money to make this a resource that works. I can give you the name of people I know who have done this.
5. Exercise, Nutrition, Supplements. These are long term key to her recovery. But they are not an immediate fix. We can discuss this further. But basically the food she eats and the environment we are living in both culturally and physically is poisoning us. I sincerely mean that based on the research. Bipolar disorder and the severity is getting worse every year. It is worse here than in third-world countries, however we have better treatments. We have the possibility to have lasting change.
6. Suicide line. I've called before. They are really helpful. It is confidential. They can talk you down.
7. Hospitalization. You can get her committed right now. You are a family member. All you have to do is call submit a form. http://www.dcf.state.fl.us/programs/mentalhealth/laws/ This at some point may be your only option if she doesn't get help soon. This may be the best thing to do today. Only you and the family can decide that. She will be hospitalized for 72 hours. In that time she will be forced to be medicated. She will attend support groups and one on one therapy. Be prepared that she may hate you for this in the short term. In the long term she will be grateful that you cared enough about her to take drastic steps.
Let me leave you with the following ... you have the power to change this for her. It will be hard for you. It will be harder for her. But she will get better ... and your help makes all the difference.
She is so lucky to have you in her life. I guarantee you that you through some action you have kept her alive this long. Your willingness to let her live with you probably has saved her life already. And I want to be part of your solution. I have touched hundreds of people. I have helped friends and family, I have helped people in support groups, I have helped people online through my blog and I have helped people through participating in clinical research studies which potentially can affect million. I am currently trying to get into 3 different programs. I am willing to help you in whatever manner can support you. I don't have all the answers but I am committed to helping you find them through my advice, through my willingness to let you vent, scream or cry, through my willingness to research drugs and new therapy options. Tell me what you need I will do everything I can to help you. And I sincerely mean that. Do not hesitate to call on me.
Even though this sucks on so many levels. I sometimes think this is a blessing. It is my calling to help people. I have a very powerful gift and one day I will figure out the right combination of how I can help more people.
I could share a million more things this is it for now .. I need to go back to sleep.
I am available tomorrow after the big fish call. I'm sure you have a lot of questions the above may address all of them. If tomorrow isn't good for you or you aren't ready to talk, let me know when is a good time.
I am so glad we met. I know we are going to be friends for a very long time. We are going to help each other more than we currently realize is possible.
With much, much love,
Rachael
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Share Your Story
This is an open letter to all the women who have emailed me or commented on either blog in the last two weeks. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry I didn't respond sooner. It has been a crazy two weeks for me. I was good until the 12 and then the waves of depression crashed down on me again.
I struggle daily with thoughts that I'm a bad mom because I chose to bring a child into the world knowing the severity of my illness. For me, I have been suicidal and hospitalized numerous times starting at the age of 12-14. At 12 I had "moody issues" by 14 I was seeing a psychiatrist for major depression and anxiety disorder. At 24, I was finally diagnosed by my current and wonderful doctor. I love my doctor because he tries really hard and although his treatment plans don't also work -- he is willing to stick with me and try things I suggest. Many of his top suggestions are all natural.
1. Daily exercise - 7 days a week of something.
2. Daily 30 minutes full sun, no sunscreen. If cloudy at least 30 minutes of a blue light like this: Philips goLite Blu
3. Multi vitamin, additional vitamin D, additional folic acid - about 1-3mg which is more than an average prenatal vitamin (even when non pregnant)
4. Prescription grade Omega 3 (fish oil) I use
5. I've been on as many as 6 daily medicines till my current 1 daily prescription of Lamictal
6. I'm on lower meds that I get on when experiencing rapid swings because I don't like to be sedated and numb on anti-psychotics and that's how I feel. Abilify, Zoloft, paxil, depakote, Zyprexa and Haldol all made me feel numb inside - to the tune of not being happy when happy things happen. And not being sad when sad things happen. Numb. The mood swings may stop. But I'm numb. And I've decided at this point I'd rather be a rapid cycler than numb. One day that decision may change again - but not now.
Feel free to email me at bipolarpregnancy@gmail.com
I struggle daily with thoughts that I'm a bad mom because I chose to bring a child into the world knowing the severity of my illness. For me, I have been suicidal and hospitalized numerous times starting at the age of 12-14. At 12 I had "moody issues" by 14 I was seeing a psychiatrist for major depression and anxiety disorder. At 24, I was finally diagnosed by my current and wonderful doctor. I love my doctor because he tries really hard and although his treatment plans don't also work -- he is willing to stick with me and try things I suggest. Many of his top suggestions are all natural.
1. Daily exercise - 7 days a week of something.
2. Daily 30 minutes full sun, no sunscreen. If cloudy at least 30 minutes of a blue light like this: Philips goLite Blu
3. Multi vitamin, additional vitamin D, additional folic acid - about 1-3mg which is more than an average prenatal vitamin (even when non pregnant)
4. Prescription grade Omega 3 (fish oil) I use
5. I've been on as many as 6 daily medicines till my current 1 daily prescription of Lamictal
6. I'm on lower meds that I get on when experiencing rapid swings because I don't like to be sedated and numb on anti-psychotics and that's how I feel. Abilify, Zoloft, paxil, depakote, Zyprexa and Haldol all made me feel numb inside - to the tune of not being happy when happy things happen. And not being sad when sad things happen. Numb. The mood swings may stop. But I'm numb. And I've decided at this point I'd rather be a rapid cycler than numb. One day that decision may change again - but not now.
Feel free to email me at bipolarpregnancy@gmail.com
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Staying Healthy for My Daughter
Being a mom has made me more aware of my mental health status. I think being a mom is one of the hardest things I've ever done. And it is also the most rewarding.
I've talked about my struggles with bipolar disorder on my other blog, My Bipolar Pregnancy so I won't rehash everything here, but will share some of my story.
I have had mental health problems for the majority of my life. I first started seeing a psychiatrist when I was 14. At the time I was being treated for major depression and anxiety disorders. Looking back it amazes me that I wasn't properly diagnosed. In fact, I lived with the wrong diagnosis for 10 years. Ten years is actually the average amount of time that someone who develops the disorder in their teens gets treated for the wrong disorder.
I also have spent the majority of my life dealing with suicidal ideation, which means I have spent a significant part of my life fantasizing about taking my own life. It is a horrible way to live. I have been fortunate that in the last few years I think about it less and less. I have attempted suicide 3 or 4 times. And I came very, very close to dying when I was 17. Luckily my boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband) found me in a coma and saved my life. Years later I once again attempted to overdose when I was in college. And then when I was 24 I tried to shoot myself, but the gun didn't go off because I was using the wrong ammunition. These were not the only times I attempted, but they were the most serious. I worry that one day I may try it again and succeed. I know the statistics, in my lifetime I have a 25-50% chance of succeeding in a suicide attempt. It is distressing to thing that I may die at my own hand. I share these things with you all because I want you to know if you too have been suicidal you are not all. These are things I am not proud of, but they are the facts of life for me.
Currently, I am diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder with Psychosis and am a ultra cycler (meaning I have many, many mood shifts during the year - as many as 3 a week when things are really bad. I sometimes worry that my daughter will inherit this. And while that will be horrible, I also think that I will be able to help her.
I have long believed that their is an upside to being bipolar. I know many people with this condition do not think there is any personal benefit. But here's what I know - I'm very smart (I fall into the genius category on IQ tests), very creative (I'm a graphic designer and marketer) and very successful in life by other people's standards. I think the same problem in my brain that leads to bipolar disorder also leads to these traits.
My daughter, although only two years old, is already displaying many of these traits. I'm sure this sounds like I am a bragging mom, but she is ahead of her peers in many ways. She has a larger vocabulary, loves to do art projects and has a very active imagination. My parents say she is a lot like me. I take great pride in that.
Back to the point of this post. I stay well for my daughter. I also stay well for me. And it hasn't been easy. Back in November I decided to reduce my meds, and my family was a good reason taht I did this. I found that I was getting worse not better (you can read more about that here) and I felt like a zombie. I wasn't able to have joyous moments, I wasn't able to think. However I was able to be depressed and suicidal.
Reducing my meds has been very hard. When I got off Abilify and Zoloft I became manic. And for me mania is personally destructive. I had problems with my husband and I spent mroe money than I should have. Although the upside to the mania was I was very good at getting work done, which is a good side effect for me of hypomania.
Currently, I only take one medication and a number of vitamins and supplements to help keep me well. I also exercise daily, get sun every day and use a Philips goLITE BLU Light Therapy Device
. These things have done an amazing job for me. I am doing better than I have in the last three years.
I highly recommend that anyone living with bipolar disorder try a daily regimen of exercise, sun exposure, bluelight and vitamins including Omega 3 fatty acids (fish or flaxseed oil).
As moms, it is important that we focus on staying well for our families. I hope that my daughter won't look back at her life and think - boy did I have a crazy mom. I hope that she will think that I have a mom who is strong, who overcomes challenges and leads a good example of leading a healthy lifestyle.
In the coming months I will be creating a community where we can all share our thoughts and feelings on being bipolar. I hope that when it is ready you will join in.
Please, leave comments or send me an email. I would love to connect with you all.
I've talked about my struggles with bipolar disorder on my other blog, My Bipolar Pregnancy so I won't rehash everything here, but will share some of my story.
I have had mental health problems for the majority of my life. I first started seeing a psychiatrist when I was 14. At the time I was being treated for major depression and anxiety disorders. Looking back it amazes me that I wasn't properly diagnosed. In fact, I lived with the wrong diagnosis for 10 years. Ten years is actually the average amount of time that someone who develops the disorder in their teens gets treated for the wrong disorder.
I also have spent the majority of my life dealing with suicidal ideation, which means I have spent a significant part of my life fantasizing about taking my own life. It is a horrible way to live. I have been fortunate that in the last few years I think about it less and less. I have attempted suicide 3 or 4 times. And I came very, very close to dying when I was 17. Luckily my boyfriend at the time (who is now my husband) found me in a coma and saved my life. Years later I once again attempted to overdose when I was in college. And then when I was 24 I tried to shoot myself, but the gun didn't go off because I was using the wrong ammunition. These were not the only times I attempted, but they were the most serious. I worry that one day I may try it again and succeed. I know the statistics, in my lifetime I have a 25-50% chance of succeeding in a suicide attempt. It is distressing to thing that I may die at my own hand. I share these things with you all because I want you to know if you too have been suicidal you are not all. These are things I am not proud of, but they are the facts of life for me.
Currently, I am diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder with Psychosis and am a ultra cycler (meaning I have many, many mood shifts during the year - as many as 3 a week when things are really bad. I sometimes worry that my daughter will inherit this. And while that will be horrible, I also think that I will be able to help her.
I have long believed that their is an upside to being bipolar. I know many people with this condition do not think there is any personal benefit. But here's what I know - I'm very smart (I fall into the genius category on IQ tests), very creative (I'm a graphic designer and marketer) and very successful in life by other people's standards. I think the same problem in my brain that leads to bipolar disorder also leads to these traits.
My daughter, although only two years old, is already displaying many of these traits. I'm sure this sounds like I am a bragging mom, but she is ahead of her peers in many ways. She has a larger vocabulary, loves to do art projects and has a very active imagination. My parents say she is a lot like me. I take great pride in that.
Back to the point of this post. I stay well for my daughter. I also stay well for me. And it hasn't been easy. Back in November I decided to reduce my meds, and my family was a good reason taht I did this. I found that I was getting worse not better (you can read more about that here) and I felt like a zombie. I wasn't able to have joyous moments, I wasn't able to think. However I was able to be depressed and suicidal.
Reducing my meds has been very hard. When I got off Abilify and Zoloft I became manic. And for me mania is personally destructive. I had problems with my husband and I spent mroe money than I should have. Although the upside to the mania was I was very good at getting work done, which is a good side effect for me of hypomania.
Currently, I only take one medication and a number of vitamins and supplements to help keep me well. I also exercise daily, get sun every day and use a Philips goLITE BLU Light Therapy Device
. These things have done an amazing job for me. I am doing better than I have in the last three years. I highly recommend that anyone living with bipolar disorder try a daily regimen of exercise, sun exposure, bluelight and vitamins including Omega 3 fatty acids (fish or flaxseed oil).
As moms, it is important that we focus on staying well for our families. I hope that my daughter won't look back at her life and think - boy did I have a crazy mom. I hope that she will think that I have a mom who is strong, who overcomes challenges and leads a good example of leading a healthy lifestyle.
In the coming months I will be creating a community where we can all share our thoughts and feelings on being bipolar. I hope that when it is ready you will join in.
Please, leave comments or send me an email. I would love to connect with you all.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Welcome to Bipolar Motherhood
Ever since my daughter was born I've been meaning to write this blog. It's an extention from my original bipolar blog, My Bipolar Pregnancy. Over the last few years many readers have expressed interest in hearing more about the challenges and triumphs of motherhood -- from someone with bipolar disorder.
If you are new here, let me take a minute to tell you about my vision for this blog and a little about me.
My mission on this blog is to help moms feel a little more connected and less alone. Being bipolar can at times seem very lonely, but it shouldn't.
A few stats:
* Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million adult Americans, or about 2.6% of the U.S. population age 18 and older every year. (National Institute of Mental Health)
* The median age of onset for bipolar disorder is 25 years (National Institue of Mental Health), although the illness can start in early childhood or as late as the 40's and 50's.
* An equal number of men and women develop bipolar illness and it is found in all ages, races, ethnic groups and social classes.
* More than two-thirds of people with bipolar disorder have at least one close relative with the illness or with unipolar major depression, indicating that the disease has a heritable component. (National Institute of Mental Health)
For every 100 people you know almost 3 of them will have bipolar disorder. I think I have an abundance of friends who are bipolar. I think this makes me very lucky. It means that I have lots of people to turn to when life gets to be too hectic.
Anyway, so I'd like this blog to be a place where we can all share our experiences and learn from each other.
A little about Me
My name is Rachael and I'm the mother of a wonderful little girl. I've been diagnosed as having bipolar I disorder with psychosis and ultra cycling since 2003. Looking back on my life I have been bipolar for the majority of my life. If I look back it started about the time that I was 12. By the time I was 14 I was being treated for major unipolar depression and a variety of anxiety disorders.
I didn't get the proper treatment until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 24. I truly hit rock bottom at that time. I went into full-blown mania followed by psychosis and then severe depression. It took years for me to recover.
In 2007 I got pregnant and had my first child - an amazing little girl. She is now just over 2 years old. I was stable for almost 5 years when she was born - however I haven't been stable since then. It's been a rough journey.
Well it is late and I need to try to go to sleep.
I hope that this blog will inspire you to share your story.
If you are new here, let me take a minute to tell you about my vision for this blog and a little about me.
My mission on this blog is to help moms feel a little more connected and less alone. Being bipolar can at times seem very lonely, but it shouldn't.
A few stats:
* Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million adult Americans, or about 2.6% of the U.S. population age 18 and older every year. (National Institute of Mental Health)
* The median age of onset for bipolar disorder is 25 years (National Institue of Mental Health), although the illness can start in early childhood or as late as the 40's and 50's.
* An equal number of men and women develop bipolar illness and it is found in all ages, races, ethnic groups and social classes.
* More than two-thirds of people with bipolar disorder have at least one close relative with the illness or with unipolar major depression, indicating that the disease has a heritable component. (National Institute of Mental Health)
For every 100 people you know almost 3 of them will have bipolar disorder. I think I have an abundance of friends who are bipolar. I think this makes me very lucky. It means that I have lots of people to turn to when life gets to be too hectic.
Anyway, so I'd like this blog to be a place where we can all share our experiences and learn from each other.
A little about Me
My name is Rachael and I'm the mother of a wonderful little girl. I've been diagnosed as having bipolar I disorder with psychosis and ultra cycling since 2003. Looking back on my life I have been bipolar for the majority of my life. If I look back it started about the time that I was 12. By the time I was 14 I was being treated for major unipolar depression and a variety of anxiety disorders.
I didn't get the proper treatment until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 24. I truly hit rock bottom at that time. I went into full-blown mania followed by psychosis and then severe depression. It took years for me to recover.
In 2007 I got pregnant and had my first child - an amazing little girl. She is now just over 2 years old. I was stable for almost 5 years when she was born - however I haven't been stable since then. It's been a rough journey.
Well it is late and I need to try to go to sleep.
I hope that this blog will inspire you to share your story.
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