This is an open letter to all the women who have emailed me or commented on either blog in the last two weeks. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry I didn't respond sooner. It has been a crazy two weeks for me. I was good until the 12 and then the waves of depression crashed down on me again.
I struggle daily with thoughts that I'm a bad mom because I chose to bring a child into the world knowing the severity of my illness. For me, I have been suicidal and hospitalized numerous times starting at the age of 12-14. At 12 I had "moody issues" by 14 I was seeing a psychiatrist for major depression and anxiety disorder. At 24, I was finally diagnosed by my current and wonderful doctor. I love my doctor because he tries really hard and although his treatment plans don't also work -- he is willing to stick with me and try things I suggest. Many of his top suggestions are all natural.
1. Daily exercise - 7 days a week of something.
2. Daily 30 minutes full sun, no sunscreen. If cloudy at least 30 minutes of a blue light like this: Philips goLite Blu
3. Multi vitamin, additional vitamin D, additional folic acid - about 1-3mg which is more than an average prenatal vitamin (even when non pregnant)
4. Prescription grade Omega 3 (fish oil) I use
5. I've been on as many as 6 daily medicines till my current 1 daily prescription of Lamictal
6. I'm on lower meds that I get on when experiencing rapid swings because I don't like to be sedated and numb on anti-psychotics and that's how I feel. Abilify, Zoloft, paxil, depakote, Zyprexa and Haldol all made me feel numb inside - to the tune of not being happy when happy things happen. And not being sad when sad things happen. Numb. The mood swings may stop. But I'm numb. And I've decided at this point I'd rather be a rapid cycler than numb. One day that decision may change again - but not now.
Feel free to email me at bipolarpregnancy@gmail.com
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I take folic acid and omega 3 too. I'm working on the exercise part. I stay indoors too much. I was on Lamictal for a few weeks but I got rashes, I looked like I had measles! Do you find that you gain weight on certain meds? I think I'm heavier due to the meds, not certain but I have a sneaking suspicion coz my eating habits hasn't changed since the time when I was 20lbs lighter.
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