Our next support group will be on Wednesday, September 7 at 8PM Eastern
You can call in via phone or connect through your computer microphone/speakers. Please email me at bipolarpregnancy@gmail.com to RSVP and I will send you the call in details.
This will be a DBSA-style group (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) since I'm a former DBSA facilitator.
If this time of day is not good for you, please leave a comment on the best time of day.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
RSVP for Online Support Group for Bipolar Moms & Moms-to-Be on 8/11
I'd like to plan the first group next Thursday 8/11 at 9pm Eastern/6pm Pacific
I've gotten a lot of positive feedback about having a group and the times of when would be best is all over the place. So this first one is scheduled for Thursday evening. We will also have some daytime ones as well.
If we have 15 people or less who RSVP we can do a phone group (since I have a teleconference account that is limited to 15) if more than 15 it will be chat based. So please RSVP to bipolarpregnancy@gmail.com
I've gotten a lot of positive feedback about having a group and the times of when would be best is all over the place. So this first one is scheduled for Thursday evening. We will also have some daytime ones as well.
If we have 15 people or less who RSVP we can do a phone group (since I have a teleconference account that is limited to 15) if more than 15 it will be chat based. So please RSVP to bipolarpregnancy@gmail.com
Mommy Guilt -- And Feeling Guilty About Having Bipolar Disorder
I have come to learn that all of my mom friends universally experience a fair amount of mom guilt. For moms who go back to work after having the baby there is the working mom guilt, which revolves around if the child gets enough attention, if working is the right thing *particularly if you were raised in a family with a stay-at-home parent or if you have a lot of stay-at-home mom friends). On the flip side even stay-at-home moms struggle with some guilt about if family finances and setting an example for their children.
Now some of you may have read the title of the post and thought "feeling guilty about having bipolar disorder. "What I am wondering is how many other moms struggle with going through a period where they feel guilty or bad because of their psychiatric condition. Here is what I mean. I struggle some days with feeling like my family got a raw deal. My husband has a wife who sometimes does not function well. I will admit that during a depression period I push myself to get up to make breakfast for my daughter and then I go back to bed while someone else either my husband, nanny or now preschool will take care of her. During this time obviously I'm neglecting my family, my work (I own my own business so at least I'm not going to get fired completely but I have lost a client because a depression cycle meant I didn't complete a project on time), my house, etc. And if I am neglecting all of these things my husband is the one picking up the slack.
I feel guilty that my 3 1/2 year old knows that sometimes mommy doesn't feel well because her head hurts. (Which for me really means I either have a migraine or I'm feeling unwell on either side of the bipolar spectrum). I worry that what if growing up with a "crazy" mom has a negative effect on her.
Guilt, guilt, guilt. I know that guilt serves no practical purpose. I know that all it does is serve to make me feel worse. And I also know that I do the best that I can on any given day. I didn't ask to have bipolar disorder. I didn't cause bipolar disorder through behaviors. I inherited it. And that also makes me feel guilty, because although I knew we had some mental illness in my family I did not know the extent and severity of the mental illness and other neurological disorders that can be found in my gene pool. And then I feel guilty and worry that I may have passed on the genes to my daughter and may pass on to future children.
So does anyone else feel like this?
So, now I will share what I tell myself. I remind myself that my husband always tells me that my good qualities have always outweighed the crap he deals with because of this illness. And he says although when we got married I had not yet been diagnosed with bipolar disorder I was seeing a psych doc and being treated for other disorders (ie misdiagnosed) so he always knew I was nuts and loved me anyway.
As to my daughter I know the chances of her inheriting bipolar disorder is only 15-30% so there is a 85-70% that she will NOT have bipolar disorder. If she was to have it I would be better able to help her than my parents were with me. Medications have improved. Back when I was diagnosed there were only 2 FDA approved medications everything else was off-label use. So there are great strides.
But the most important thing I remember is -- although I have had many struggles to overcome, and I have spent many years with suicidal ideation on a daily basis that was constant and maddening and resulted in several serious attempts (and miraculous saves by others), I am happy to be alive today with the life I have.
And when I really look at it as odd as it may be sometimes I think if given the choice today have this life of struggle or a normal life I would choose to have bipolar disorder. For me I learned to harness the upside in the creative potential and also I've spent years helping others because of the illness through my prior work as a DBSA support group facilitator, the one-on-one help I've given people who are newly diagnosed and through email exchanges and such with women through the blog. It has given my life purpose and meaning that my business work doesn't do.
Enough rambling. Now that I have gotten that off my chest the guilty feelings are all gone. I'd love to hear if anyone else feels the same way,
Now some of you may have read the title of the post and thought "feeling guilty about having bipolar disorder. "What I am wondering is how many other moms struggle with going through a period where they feel guilty or bad because of their psychiatric condition. Here is what I mean. I struggle some days with feeling like my family got a raw deal. My husband has a wife who sometimes does not function well. I will admit that during a depression period I push myself to get up to make breakfast for my daughter and then I go back to bed while someone else either my husband, nanny or now preschool will take care of her. During this time obviously I'm neglecting my family, my work (I own my own business so at least I'm not going to get fired completely but I have lost a client because a depression cycle meant I didn't complete a project on time), my house, etc. And if I am neglecting all of these things my husband is the one picking up the slack.
I feel guilty that my 3 1/2 year old knows that sometimes mommy doesn't feel well because her head hurts. (Which for me really means I either have a migraine or I'm feeling unwell on either side of the bipolar spectrum). I worry that what if growing up with a "crazy" mom has a negative effect on her.
Guilt, guilt, guilt. I know that guilt serves no practical purpose. I know that all it does is serve to make me feel worse. And I also know that I do the best that I can on any given day. I didn't ask to have bipolar disorder. I didn't cause bipolar disorder through behaviors. I inherited it. And that also makes me feel guilty, because although I knew we had some mental illness in my family I did not know the extent and severity of the mental illness and other neurological disorders that can be found in my gene pool. And then I feel guilty and worry that I may have passed on the genes to my daughter and may pass on to future children.
So does anyone else feel like this?
So, now I will share what I tell myself. I remind myself that my husband always tells me that my good qualities have always outweighed the crap he deals with because of this illness. And he says although when we got married I had not yet been diagnosed with bipolar disorder I was seeing a psych doc and being treated for other disorders (ie misdiagnosed) so he always knew I was nuts and loved me anyway.
As to my daughter I know the chances of her inheriting bipolar disorder is only 15-30% so there is a 85-70% that she will NOT have bipolar disorder. If she was to have it I would be better able to help her than my parents were with me. Medications have improved. Back when I was diagnosed there were only 2 FDA approved medications everything else was off-label use. So there are great strides.
But the most important thing I remember is -- although I have had many struggles to overcome, and I have spent many years with suicidal ideation on a daily basis that was constant and maddening and resulted in several serious attempts (and miraculous saves by others), I am happy to be alive today with the life I have.
And when I really look at it as odd as it may be sometimes I think if given the choice today have this life of struggle or a normal life I would choose to have bipolar disorder. For me I learned to harness the upside in the creative potential and also I've spent years helping others because of the illness through my prior work as a DBSA support group facilitator, the one-on-one help I've given people who are newly diagnosed and through email exchanges and such with women through the blog. It has given my life purpose and meaning that my business work doesn't do.
Enough rambling. Now that I have gotten that off my chest the guilty feelings are all gone. I'd love to hear if anyone else feels the same way,
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Online Support Group for Bipolar Moms & Moms-to-Be
I'd like to start an online support group for bipolar moms & moms-to-be. It would be a weekly chat or teleconference. Anyone interested?
It will be a DBSA-style group. (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance). I'm a former DBSA facilitator. We could do a video webcam version, phone session or chat room I know Skype has a video group function actually.
If you are interested what day of the week and time of the day would you want to do it and are you interested in phone, webcam or chat? I personally think phone or webcam is best.
It will be a DBSA-style group. (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance). I'm a former DBSA facilitator. We could do a video webcam version, phone session or chat room I know Skype has a video group function actually.
If you are interested what day of the week and time of the day would you want to do it and are you interested in phone, webcam or chat? I personally think phone or webcam is best.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
An Antidepressant that works in HOURS not weeks! The hope of Ketamine
New research suggests that using Ketamine could produce an antidepressant effect in hours not weeks for bipolar patients with treatment-resistant depression.
I've been struggling for weeks now. The bottom line is since my daughter was born I just haven't been able to find the stability I had before her birth. I keep falling into the "rabbit hole" ... aka deep hole of depression.
And when I'm depressed it can get bad. Bad as in mommy doesn't spend much time out of bed. It goes like this. Mommy wakes up and watches TV and says to herself please don't wake up dear daughter until my nanny gets here or daddy wakes up. Then daughter wakes up and I get to play mommy as best I can for a little bit. I manage to make some oatmeal. At some point within an hour or so nanny gets here or daddy is up. And here's where I should be going to my office to work. But nope depressed Rachael goes back to bed and watches TV, or stares at the ceiling, or hides under the covers wanting to just disappear. I stay that way until lunch. Where I pull it together for about 45 minutes long enough to make lunch for me and the little one, check email and maybe return a phone call to a client.
And then after lunch I go back to bed (note should be going back to work). Where I stay until 3:30 when my nanny leaves. Then I play mommy, read books and put my daughter down for a nap. She sleeps and I normally would go back to work, but depressed mommy goes back to bed.
I then get up when she gets up. I call the hubby when she gets up and he comes home. He makes dinner while I entertain my daughter. And then after dinner I go ... can you guess where? Yep to bed. Normal Rachael makes great homecook meals, BTW. Depressed Rachael doesn't make any dinner at all.
Yes, this is sometimes my sad life. And my daughter she comes in and asks me "Mommy is your head feeling bad? I hope you feel better soon. I love you." She's two and a half. It kills me that she sees me go through these times.
So, when I saw the article about Ketamine I was SUPER excited!!! Can you imagine that a treatment on the horizon for bipolar patients that can work in HOURS for depression? I've been doing it all - I've done everything. And my depressions keep coming back. So I hope this research leads to some kind of readily available treatment.
Ketamine Lifts Depression Symptoms in Bipolar Disorder Within an Hour
People with treatment-resistant bipolar disorder experienced relief from symptoms of depression in as little as 40 minutes after an intravenous dose of the anesthetic medication ketamine in a preliminary study; while the patient group was small, this work adds to evidence that compounds in the class to which ketamine belongs have potential as rapid and effective medications for depression, including bipolar depression. The potential for side-effects makes ketamine an impractical drug for standard use, but it provides a way to test this approach for developing novel treatments that act more rapidly than existing ones.
So check out the article
This may sound crazy - but I'm seriously wondering if the ketamine people use recreationally (yes illegally) would have the same effects. I am desperate. I've tried so many meds, I've done supplements, I work out religiously (well not when I'm majorly depressed). I just want to be like I was in 2004-2007 - stable no ups, no downs just good. I mean during those years I was so good I sometimes doubted that I was bipolar at all. And now it is quite clear that my bipolar I diagnosis is accurate. Of course now I'm bipolar I with rapid cycling. Luckily I've stopped the ultra-rapid cycling and the even worse ultra-ultra rapid (cycling within 24 hours) which was the worst torture that I've ever experienced.
So here's to hope that something good is on the horizon.
I've been struggling for weeks now. The bottom line is since my daughter was born I just haven't been able to find the stability I had before her birth. I keep falling into the "rabbit hole" ... aka deep hole of depression.
And when I'm depressed it can get bad. Bad as in mommy doesn't spend much time out of bed. It goes like this. Mommy wakes up and watches TV and says to herself please don't wake up dear daughter until my nanny gets here or daddy wakes up. Then daughter wakes up and I get to play mommy as best I can for a little bit. I manage to make some oatmeal. At some point within an hour or so nanny gets here or daddy is up. And here's where I should be going to my office to work. But nope depressed Rachael goes back to bed and watches TV, or stares at the ceiling, or hides under the covers wanting to just disappear. I stay that way until lunch. Where I pull it together for about 45 minutes long enough to make lunch for me and the little one, check email and maybe return a phone call to a client.
And then after lunch I go back to bed (note should be going back to work). Where I stay until 3:30 when my nanny leaves. Then I play mommy, read books and put my daughter down for a nap. She sleeps and I normally would go back to work, but depressed mommy goes back to bed.
I then get up when she gets up. I call the hubby when she gets up and he comes home. He makes dinner while I entertain my daughter. And then after dinner I go ... can you guess where? Yep to bed. Normal Rachael makes great homecook meals, BTW. Depressed Rachael doesn't make any dinner at all.
Yes, this is sometimes my sad life. And my daughter she comes in and asks me "Mommy is your head feeling bad? I hope you feel better soon. I love you." She's two and a half. It kills me that she sees me go through these times.
So, when I saw the article about Ketamine I was SUPER excited!!! Can you imagine that a treatment on the horizon for bipolar patients that can work in HOURS for depression? I've been doing it all - I've done everything. And my depressions keep coming back. So I hope this research leads to some kind of readily available treatment.
Ketamine Lifts Depression Symptoms in Bipolar Disorder Within an Hour
People with treatment-resistant bipolar disorder experienced relief from symptoms of depression in as little as 40 minutes after an intravenous dose of the anesthetic medication ketamine in a preliminary study; while the patient group was small, this work adds to evidence that compounds in the class to which ketamine belongs have potential as rapid and effective medications for depression, including bipolar depression. The potential for side-effects makes ketamine an impractical drug for standard use, but it provides a way to test this approach for developing novel treatments that act more rapidly than existing ones.
So check out the article
This may sound crazy - but I'm seriously wondering if the ketamine people use recreationally (yes illegally) would have the same effects. I am desperate. I've tried so many meds, I've done supplements, I work out religiously (well not when I'm majorly depressed). I just want to be like I was in 2004-2007 - stable no ups, no downs just good. I mean during those years I was so good I sometimes doubted that I was bipolar at all. And now it is quite clear that my bipolar I diagnosis is accurate. Of course now I'm bipolar I with rapid cycling. Luckily I've stopped the ultra-rapid cycling and the even worse ultra-ultra rapid (cycling within 24 hours) which was the worst torture that I've ever experienced.
So here's to hope that something good is on the horizon.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Can Anyone Understand Me Who is Not Bipolar?
Today my sister made a comment that really hurt me. I know that she didn't mean to upset me, but she said - "Have you ever tried to have a normal sleep schedule? I think it would help you if you were on a schedule."
I was speechless. Sleep schedule. No shit Sherlock. Do you think I like insomnia? Perhaps I like being bipolar. Oh yes, sister. I enjoy going through cycles of depression and hypomania. It is fun. This is the way I want my life to be.
It was deeply disturbing because I have been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 14. I first took sleeping pills around 12 or 13. In the last almost 20 years I have tried the following sleeping pills, tranquilizers, vitamins, herbal supplements, books on tape, alcohol (not in excess 2 glasses of wine - I have no tolerance for nausea so 2 is my limit), meditation, therapy, books on tape, Law & Order (amazingly effective at times), music, tea, warm baths, exercise.
I'm not sure what else is out there in terms of getting on a sleep schedule.
I hung up the phone and cried. I cried because she has known me for almost 32 years (32 years as of next Friday). Seriously, 32 years. My parents will tell you that I have had erratic energy and mood levels since I was very young. And my sister has seen this. She knows that I started on meds and therapy at 14. She knows I attempted suicide and was hospitalized at 16. She knows I was hospitalized at 24. And yet she thinks I have not been trying hard enough. Like I haven't been working at regulating myself.
So after crying I decided to call her back. And told her the following.
My brain does not work like yours. I have tried everything I can think of. I have an erratic schedule at times not because I choose to, but because that is how my body functions. My brain goes through periods where the chemicals misfire. It is like being on drugs - my body cannot sleep. You can hit me with heavy meds and I still will not sleep. And at other times you can pump me full of caffeine and I will not stay awake.
And then she said yes but maybe it is because you own a business and stay up to late working or doing this or that. And I said ... please understand what I am saying to you. This happens whether I work or not. This just happens. And yes I spent 4 years with virtually no issues and then I had a baby and life changed. My hormones changed, my stress level changed and life has not returned to before. My financial situation changed as did many people when the economy changed. Some of these things are not in my control and yes they do have an effect on my condition.
But the bottom line is I have been this way pretty much forever. And yes, things help, but nothing I have tried fixes it. There is no magic go to bed every night at 11 pm and you will be fine. I can't will this away.
And I thought that she understood how hard I try to stay well. I thought she knew how much I struggle to do right by myself, my daughter, my husband. And yet apparently she doesn't.
In the end she said. I will never really understand you, because I am not in your shoes. And I know that and yet it hurts.
It hurts when my husband makes little comments I know he doesn't mean to be unkind, but he says if you would just be consistent with your exercise you wouldn't get depressed. If you would just do this you would be better.
Well I wish it was that simple. But dear husband you have known me since I was 14. You were the one who saved my life and rushed me to the hospital when I was 16. You have been married to me for 13 years. Do you really think that there is one magic bullet that will make me all better? Do you not understand that when the depression hits I cannot get to the gym. The energy isn't there.
And then it makes me worry that my daughter will grow up and she will believe these things too. Perhaps she will think her mother doesn't try hard enough. Maybe her mom doesn't care about her enough to stay out of bed every day all day.
I hope that I do right by her. I hope that she grows up to be compassionate. I hope that she knows that I love her more than the anything. I hope she knows that I searched very hard about whether I should bring a child into this world.
I know someone expects me to say I hope she doesn't grow up to be bipolar. However, I'm not going to say that. And the reason is ... I am who I am partly because of this disorder. And although my life is hard and some days I feel my life is tragic and I worry that it may have a tragic ending. I know that ultimately the world is a better place because I am in it.
And one of the gifts that I have to give to the world revolves around the fact that I have bipolar disorder. It revolves around the fact that I have been through psychosis. I have been to places that most people cannot imagine going. My mind can take me to terrible places.
The gift in that is that I can help other people who may be going through it. I have found that everyone knows someone with a mental illness. And I can be here to listen and offer my words of guidance. I don't have the answer - but I have a lifetime of personal experience and research knowledge.
And maybe my daughter will grow up to be like me. Maybe she won't. Who knows. Only time will tell.
One of the most amazing people in the field of psychiatry is Kay Redfield Jamison and what makes her so good is she herself is bipolar. I highly reccommend all of her books.
I was speechless. Sleep schedule. No shit Sherlock. Do you think I like insomnia? Perhaps I like being bipolar. Oh yes, sister. I enjoy going through cycles of depression and hypomania. It is fun. This is the way I want my life to be.
It was deeply disturbing because I have been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 14. I first took sleeping pills around 12 or 13. In the last almost 20 years I have tried the following sleeping pills, tranquilizers, vitamins, herbal supplements, books on tape, alcohol (not in excess 2 glasses of wine - I have no tolerance for nausea so 2 is my limit), meditation, therapy, books on tape, Law & Order (amazingly effective at times), music, tea, warm baths, exercise.
I'm not sure what else is out there in terms of getting on a sleep schedule.
I hung up the phone and cried. I cried because she has known me for almost 32 years (32 years as of next Friday). Seriously, 32 years. My parents will tell you that I have had erratic energy and mood levels since I was very young. And my sister has seen this. She knows that I started on meds and therapy at 14. She knows I attempted suicide and was hospitalized at 16. She knows I was hospitalized at 24. And yet she thinks I have not been trying hard enough. Like I haven't been working at regulating myself.
So after crying I decided to call her back. And told her the following.
My brain does not work like yours. I have tried everything I can think of. I have an erratic schedule at times not because I choose to, but because that is how my body functions. My brain goes through periods where the chemicals misfire. It is like being on drugs - my body cannot sleep. You can hit me with heavy meds and I still will not sleep. And at other times you can pump me full of caffeine and I will not stay awake.
And then she said yes but maybe it is because you own a business and stay up to late working or doing this or that. And I said ... please understand what I am saying to you. This happens whether I work or not. This just happens. And yes I spent 4 years with virtually no issues and then I had a baby and life changed. My hormones changed, my stress level changed and life has not returned to before. My financial situation changed as did many people when the economy changed. Some of these things are not in my control and yes they do have an effect on my condition.
But the bottom line is I have been this way pretty much forever. And yes, things help, but nothing I have tried fixes it. There is no magic go to bed every night at 11 pm and you will be fine. I can't will this away.
And I thought that she understood how hard I try to stay well. I thought she knew how much I struggle to do right by myself, my daughter, my husband. And yet apparently she doesn't.
In the end she said. I will never really understand you, because I am not in your shoes. And I know that and yet it hurts.
It hurts when my husband makes little comments I know he doesn't mean to be unkind, but he says if you would just be consistent with your exercise you wouldn't get depressed. If you would just do this you would be better.
Well I wish it was that simple. But dear husband you have known me since I was 14. You were the one who saved my life and rushed me to the hospital when I was 16. You have been married to me for 13 years. Do you really think that there is one magic bullet that will make me all better? Do you not understand that when the depression hits I cannot get to the gym. The energy isn't there.
And then it makes me worry that my daughter will grow up and she will believe these things too. Perhaps she will think her mother doesn't try hard enough. Maybe her mom doesn't care about her enough to stay out of bed every day all day.
I hope that I do right by her. I hope that she grows up to be compassionate. I hope that she knows that I love her more than the anything. I hope she knows that I searched very hard about whether I should bring a child into this world.
I know someone expects me to say I hope she doesn't grow up to be bipolar. However, I'm not going to say that. And the reason is ... I am who I am partly because of this disorder. And although my life is hard and some days I feel my life is tragic and I worry that it may have a tragic ending. I know that ultimately the world is a better place because I am in it.
And one of the gifts that I have to give to the world revolves around the fact that I have bipolar disorder. It revolves around the fact that I have been through psychosis. I have been to places that most people cannot imagine going. My mind can take me to terrible places.
The gift in that is that I can help other people who may be going through it. I have found that everyone knows someone with a mental illness. And I can be here to listen and offer my words of guidance. I don't have the answer - but I have a lifetime of personal experience and research knowledge.
And maybe my daughter will grow up to be like me. Maybe she won't. Who knows. Only time will tell.
One of the most amazing people in the field of psychiatry is Kay Redfield Jamison and what makes her so good is she herself is bipolar. I highly reccommend all of her books.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Bipolar and Other Brain Disorders - Cluster Headaches, Migraines, Epilepsy
Sorry, I've been absent from this blog. After my last post I've had some health issues - not related to my bipolar disorder. At the end of May I woke up with the worst pain I've ever had in my life. It felt like my head would explode. I thought it was the worst migraine I'd ever had.
So I took some Excedrin migraine. That didn't work. I called my doctor and got her to call in a prescription for Imitrex. I took one. It didn't work. I waited and took the second dose. I seriously began to think I was going to die. It would get better and then would come back hours later. It was intense. I have never felt so much pain ever. I've broken bones, I had a baby, nothing compared to this.
And so early in the morning my doctor told me to go to the ER. So I called 911 and got an ambulance trip to the hospital. I had a CT scan. Nothing. They gave me pain killers. And then of course since I'm bipolar for some reason they thought I needed a psych consult. The psychiatrist once he saw me immediately discharged me and said I was fine and I needed to see a neurologist.
In the next 3 days (this was over the weekend) I went to the hospital a total of 4 times. I eventually had a spinal tap and other testing which was all normal. And eventually got into a neurologist and was diagnosed with cluster headaches. Cluster headaches (nicknamed "suicide headaches") are a rare type of headache that are said to be the most painful medical condition known to man. Lucky me.
My migraines which were in remission for years have returned and I'm getting tension headaches regularly too. Severe headaches are like bipolar disorder the can be in remission for years and then can be triggered.
The cluster headaches were like clockwork. Within 45 minutes to 1 hour of going to sleep I'd wake up with the most intense pain I'd ever felt. Needless to say I started to fear going to sleep - which of course for an insomniac is bad business.
To stop the cluster I was post on a 6 day cycle of steroids which of course carry a strong warning not to give to people with mood disorders or insomnia. (Hmmm....) So then I had to go on zyprexa. In the two weeks I gained 25 pounds. Luckily the zyprexa kept me from getting completely manic.
I'm stable now. I'm on Topamax for the headaches (interesting that an off-label use is also bipolar disorder).
Anyway, I really like my new neurologist. One thing I like is she thinks all of these things are at their root related. The bipolar disorder, the headaches, the family history of seizures, Huntington's, etc. I just have faulty brain wiring.
But more importantly - she's not a drug pusher. Drugs are just one part of my treatment. Another part is self-care. It's working on the stress and sleep through meditation and acupuncture. It's eating right and exercise. All things I believe work for keeping me mentally healthy will also keep the headaches at bay.
Another interesting thing ... the number one treatment during the acute attack of a cluster headache - oxygen. And so at 31 I am like an old person. I have an oxygen tank next to my bed. When I have a headache I reach for my oxygen mask. Amazingly within 10 minutes it can reduce the headache - no medicine can take away the headache like that.
Oxygen therapy is good for migraines too ... it doesn't completely take them away but it does lessen them.
And finally a good website for medication information http://www.crazymeds.us - The Good Bad & Funny About Neurological Medications
Beware it may make you laugh or cry.
So I took some Excedrin migraine. That didn't work. I called my doctor and got her to call in a prescription for Imitrex. I took one. It didn't work. I waited and took the second dose. I seriously began to think I was going to die. It would get better and then would come back hours later. It was intense. I have never felt so much pain ever. I've broken bones, I had a baby, nothing compared to this.
And so early in the morning my doctor told me to go to the ER. So I called 911 and got an ambulance trip to the hospital. I had a CT scan. Nothing. They gave me pain killers. And then of course since I'm bipolar for some reason they thought I needed a psych consult. The psychiatrist once he saw me immediately discharged me and said I was fine and I needed to see a neurologist.
In the next 3 days (this was over the weekend) I went to the hospital a total of 4 times. I eventually had a spinal tap and other testing which was all normal. And eventually got into a neurologist and was diagnosed with cluster headaches. Cluster headaches (nicknamed "suicide headaches") are a rare type of headache that are said to be the most painful medical condition known to man. Lucky me.
My migraines which were in remission for years have returned and I'm getting tension headaches regularly too. Severe headaches are like bipolar disorder the can be in remission for years and then can be triggered.
The cluster headaches were like clockwork. Within 45 minutes to 1 hour of going to sleep I'd wake up with the most intense pain I'd ever felt. Needless to say I started to fear going to sleep - which of course for an insomniac is bad business.
To stop the cluster I was post on a 6 day cycle of steroids which of course carry a strong warning not to give to people with mood disorders or insomnia. (Hmmm....) So then I had to go on zyprexa. In the two weeks I gained 25 pounds. Luckily the zyprexa kept me from getting completely manic.
I'm stable now. I'm on Topamax for the headaches (interesting that an off-label use is also bipolar disorder).
Anyway, I really like my new neurologist. One thing I like is she thinks all of these things are at their root related. The bipolar disorder, the headaches, the family history of seizures, Huntington's, etc. I just have faulty brain wiring.
But more importantly - she's not a drug pusher. Drugs are just one part of my treatment. Another part is self-care. It's working on the stress and sleep through meditation and acupuncture. It's eating right and exercise. All things I believe work for keeping me mentally healthy will also keep the headaches at bay.
Another interesting thing ... the number one treatment during the acute attack of a cluster headache - oxygen. And so at 31 I am like an old person. I have an oxygen tank next to my bed. When I have a headache I reach for my oxygen mask. Amazingly within 10 minutes it can reduce the headache - no medicine can take away the headache like that.
Oxygen therapy is good for migraines too ... it doesn't completely take them away but it does lessen them.
And finally a good website for medication information http://www.crazymeds.us - The Good Bad & Funny About Neurological Medications
Beware it may make you laugh or cry.
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