Ever since my daughter was born I've been meaning to write this blog. It's an extention from my original bipolar blog, My Bipolar Pregnancy. Over the last few years many readers have expressed interest in hearing more about the challenges and triumphs of motherhood -- from someone with bipolar disorder.
If you are new here, let me take a minute to tell you about my vision for this blog and a little about me.
My mission on this blog is to help moms feel a little more connected and less alone. Being bipolar can at times seem very lonely, but it shouldn't.
A few stats:
* Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million adult Americans, or about 2.6% of the U.S. population age 18 and older every year. (National Institute of Mental Health)
* The median age of onset for bipolar disorder is 25 years (National Institue of Mental Health), although the illness can start in early childhood or as late as the 40's and 50's.
* An equal number of men and women develop bipolar illness and it is found in all ages, races, ethnic groups and social classes.
* More than two-thirds of people with bipolar disorder have at least one close relative with the illness or with unipolar major depression, indicating that the disease has a heritable component. (National Institute of Mental Health)
For every 100 people you know almost 3 of them will have bipolar disorder. I think I have an abundance of friends who are bipolar. I think this makes me very lucky. It means that I have lots of people to turn to when life gets to be too hectic.
Anyway, so I'd like this blog to be a place where we can all share our experiences and learn from each other.
A little about Me
My name is Rachael and I'm the mother of a wonderful little girl. I've been diagnosed as having bipolar I disorder with psychosis and ultra cycling since 2003. Looking back on my life I have been bipolar for the majority of my life. If I look back it started about the time that I was 12. By the time I was 14 I was being treated for major unipolar depression and a variety of anxiety disorders.
I didn't get the proper treatment until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 24. I truly hit rock bottom at that time. I went into full-blown mania followed by psychosis and then severe depression. It took years for me to recover.
In 2007 I got pregnant and had my first child - an amazing little girl. She is now just over 2 years old. I was stable for almost 5 years when she was born - however I haven't been stable since then. It's been a rough journey.
Well it is late and I need to try to go to sleep.
I hope that this blog will inspire you to share your story.
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Shall i write in English? I'm from Argentina so i'm a spanish speaker! Try to be pacient with my constructions and verbal times!
ReplyDeleteI'm 28, Josefina is 4, i've been diagnosed three years ago, in 2008 i was in intensive cares for about a week, 2 days in coma, after and overdose from all my meds. I swallowed 150 pills, valproato, lamotrigina, clonazepam, paroxetina, etc. After IC i went to other clinic for a month and a week. I was depressed when i tryed to suicide.
From the moment that my depression started (april) to my eutimia, my real and new well-being (april, may, june '09...and a little bit more) my relation with my daughter was broken. When i first started with depression, i push her away. I left her at my mom's attention and supervition. I went to bed and started to cry, and y cryed for a long time. And i wasn't there for her. That makes me feel guilty, even now that we're so much better.
It´s so hard to explain. I love her. I don´t want her depends on me as an exclusive dependency. It´s harming to see how difficult is to keep her safe, principally from me.
I'm divorced, and tryin´again with a boy, my boy! We´re living all toghether, we´re talking a lot about doctors, bipolar dangerous behaviors, rutine, and planning a baby. Are we going to reject the chance beacause of my illness? I don´t think so, and not less important: he doesn´t think so.
Everyday i try to explain little child about my pills, how dangerous they are if you doesn't need them (Lithium is always over the kitchen table), that "something doesen´t work inhere (my head) and those meds fix it" and that i was sick, very sick and altough i missed her a lot, and i never stopped loving her. We all need to built a family in bases of truth and responsability, none would hide from their family a heart condition, i would try to let her know everything i can about my bipolar.
I always will trust in my husband, isn´t it what really means "In the health and in the disease" that we promised?! It´s easy to take care of someone you love, much more easy that lefting to someone you love take care of you on those moments you scream "I don´t love you anymore!", and none could assure if you meant it.
" wanted only to try to live my life in accord with the promptings which came from my true self.
Why was that so very difficult?" H. Hesse
Oh, thanks a lot for your patience!
mim,
jimena_parra@hotmail.com
kaмala, Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry I didn't respond sooner. It has been a crazy two weeks for me. I was good until the 12 and then the waves of depression crashed down on me again.
ReplyDeleteI struggle daily with thoughts that I'm a bad mom because I chose to bring a child into the world knowing the severity of my illness. For me, I have been suicidal and hospitalized numerous times starting at the age of 12-14. At 12 I had "moody issues" by 14 I was seeing a psychiatrist for major depression and anxiety disorder. At 24, I was finally diagnosed by my current and wonderful doctor. I love my doctor because he tries really hard and although his treatment plans don't also work -- he is willing to stick with me and try things I suggest. Many of his top suggestions are all natural.
1. Daily exercise - 7 days a week of something.
2. Daily 30 minutes full sun, no sunscreen. If cloudy at least 30 minutes of a blue light like this: Philips goLite Blu
3. Multi vitamin, additional vitamin D, additional folic acid - about 1-3mg which is more than an average prenatal vitamin (even when non pregnant)
4. Prescription grade Omega 3 (fish oil)
5. I've been on as many as 6 daily medicines till my current 1 daily prescription of Lamictal
6. I'm on lower meds that I get on when experiencing rapid swings because I don't like to be sedated and numb on anti-psychotics and that's how I feel. Abilify, Zoloft, paxil, depakote, Zyprexa and Haldol all made me feel numb inside - to the tune of not being happy when happy things happen. And not being sad when sad things happen. Numb. The mood swings may stop. But I'm numb. And I've decided at this point I'd rather be a rapid cycler than numb. One day that decision may change again - but not now.
Feel free to email me at bipolarpregnancy@gmail.com